"Democracy is the government of the people, by the people, for the people." - Abraham Lincoln
Can we all stop being hypocrites for a minute? Our country just took part in the dirtiest, nastiest, most scandalous election in my entire voting history. As I watched poll after poll close and numbers start coming in, I sat in shock ~ I'm not going to lie, I was in total disbelief. And I was one of the majority of voters who honestly did not support either candidate. But, I needed a full 24 hours to process what had happened, and I was mad. Mad that in a country that I am desperately trying to raise my children to NOT be assholes.....they just watched the Nation ignore disgusting behavior and go ahead and throw their vote in with one of the worst.
Before everyone freaks out....I get it, I honestly do. The exit polls said 70% of the people who voted for Trump do not even like him. I understand, everyone is mad at the current state of the government (so they say), I truly understand. I also live in a total RED state, where people claim to not know anyone who voted for our Governor,they claim to not like him or his policies. But again when given the choice to vote for change, overwhelmingly did not.
But.......ok, now it's over. We voted, he won....it's over. During this whole process the hypocrisy and hate from both sides has driven me ABSOLUTELY insane. I want to tell you why....... We are absolutely allowed to have our own opinions. It is probably no giant surprise that I am a Democrat, I have never voted straight ticket though. I have my priorities as a woman, mother and citizen of this great country, but so do you. When I step into a "booth" to vote, I absolutely every time vote for the issues that are of utmost importance to me, and I honestly hope that is what you all do! That is why we love America, it is part of what makes our country GREAT (cause seriously, it's always been great....no need to make it so).
But in this world of participation trophies, people need to seriously realize, SOMETIMES YOU LOSE. And that's ok.....it really is, the world will not end ~ you lost, it sucks. I know and love SEVERAL people that voted differently than me, that's ok. Does that make me love them less? Absolutely not. Does it make me want to say mean and hateful things to them? Absolutely not! Does it make me want to wish them ANY ill will? NO. Good God, what is wrong with us? How can we be on a soap box against hate speech, against assholes ~ but then behave EXACTLY like that? WE CAN'T!
Does it make me think that we obviously see things VERY differently and have VERY different priorities when we enter that "booth"? Um......YEAH. Life in general would be pretty boring if we all agreed on everything (you've seen the Stepford Wives right?). It's pretty simple though, we as a nation need to calm down, take a time out and self reflect right now. Stop blaming everyone else for our own problems. Be accountable for our actions, before we try to hold someone else accountable for theirs. If you want people to stop being ASSHOLES, then start with yourself!
"And so we shall have to do more than register and more than vote; we shall have to create leaders who embody virtues we can respect, who have moral and ethical principles we can applaud with enthusiasm." - Martin Luther King, JR.
When towards the end of the campaigning, people were SO worried that Trump wouldn't concede graciously and then what happens? Oh yeah, HE WINS.....so people protest? Exactly WHY? What are they hoping to accomplish? Besides looking like the assholes they so adamantly were against. The reason we vote, is because we all have different opinions and we are allowed that. Is the system flawed, sure. Do we use an outdated, archaic system to count votes, yes. People from both sides have said that for years! My hope with this outcome is that we will see changes being made to our government and to our voting system. I really do.
The things I have seen since the election have been concerning. I am a liberal....I am a democrat, but I am not in the street protesting, I am not throwing a fit, I am not spreading more hate. We need to STOP with the us vs. them mentality, stop all the HATE....we just have to. Not all Liberals want free everything for everyone, or to take all your guns away. Just like not all conservatives hate minorities (yes, I mean every non white, non straight, non disabled group). And I am guessing that people on either side do not like being lumped in with the radical few.
At the same time, while it may now seem like an uphill battle, or like we have taken quite a few steps backward (to some of us).....I will NOT stop believing in human decency, I will NOT stop believing in and fighting for human rights for ALL people. It does absolutely make me sad that Human Rights and decency towards others is not EVERYONE's priority, but we as a nation have created this. We have stood back and allowed people to point fingers, place blame, spread hate for years and years and years. And while many will say they do not believe in or condone that behavior, I have learned that "looking the other way" sends the same message as "approval", and that is the only part of this election outcome that makes me truly sad.
But, like I said....we ALL have different priorities, and we are allowed that. Mine will just always be rights for all people, and human decency. When we find a candidate that can run on that platform he/she will be a shoo in! (Oh wait, we had that guy in the primaries)!
"It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union." ~ Susan B. Anthony
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
An open letter to the Holton High School Class of 2017.............
A fellow Fragile X mom wrote an open letter to her son's graduating class. You can read that here. I read it with tears, and shared it. Since no two kids are the same, while reading it, I thought first "this is brilliant" (she is brilliant and amazing). Then I thought, "my letter would be different". It's a testimony to our kids, that a website or medical book would like to group them all together, same issues, same worries same "problems". It's just not true, while sometimes kids may be affected in the same way....they are still their own individual people, with individual issues and individual needs. If you've met one person with Fragile X, you've met ONE person with Fragile X. So, here goes my letter.
Dear Holton High School Class of 2017:
This is it, the last year of high school. I am having a really hard time as this year starts, your mom's probably are too. I have watched most of you grow from pre-school to now. I have seen how your friendships have changed, I have seen you become young adults. I thank God for early intervention and the pre-school Rhein was able to attend. I watched you as you all became aware of Rhein's "differences" and I watched you, with bursting heart, just accept him as he is. As you have all grown older I see those same kids who accepted his quirkiness in pre-school become his biggest fans and supporters in high school. I have seen his Football Team defend him fiercely when he walks out onto the field. I have seen you stand up for and stick up for Rhein. I know you all care about him, I know you want what is best for him. I also know you do not tolerate ANYONE being mean to him. But........
Rhein kind of falls through the cracks. You see, since he is high functioning, it is easy to forget that he has a disability. He smiles, he jokes, he laughs with all of you. He loves to go places and do things. He loves to feel like he is part of something. I think that is why he loves Football so much. For 6 months every year, he is "one of the guys". He is a football player, he is "normal". And he loves that!
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, it's not going to get better. It's not." - The Lorax
What many people don't realize about Rhein, is that he is riddled with, what is sometimes paralyzing social anxiety, he wants to go places, he wants to do things.....but if you pay attention you will see, he is always "just outside" the circle or the group. He's present, he's a part of it, but he doesn't just interject himself, he doesn't just join in. Why? He's afraid. He wants everyone to like him, he doesn't want to make anyone mad, he doesn't want to be made fun of. He doesn't want to disappoint.
So, that brings me to this.....my plea to you....Class of 2017, include him, PLEASE include him. Really make an effort, if you would. I know that no one purposely EXCLUDES him, you are all way too generous and kind hearted for that! But, I am going to need you to make an effort. He will not ask for a ride, he will not invite himself. He might ask you 1000 questions about what you are doing this weekend, and it can be a lot....I know! But, he is asking because he so badly wants you to say...."I am going ____________ Do you want to come?" So, ask him, please! All it will take is some encouraging from you, an invite, a couple words, a "hey Rhein, why don't you come with us."
"Would you CHOOSE to be tolerated or to be WHOLLY ACCEPTED as you are?" - Unknown
You can not imagine how excited and happy he is when he gets invited to go somewhere, one on one or with a group. Or how totally bummed out he is when all his friends go somewhere, but no one thought to invite him to ride with them (his anxiety is too much to drive on the highway or big city). There have been times with him where someone asks, "are you going?", but his answer is just No...he doesn't say, "well I want to, but I need a ride", or "could I go WITH you"? (I know ALL of you would take him if he asked). He takes things very literally, so your invitations must be direct!
There are many times that I see him standing just off to the side and I so badly want to yell..."Rhein, get over there with your group, join in....have fun!" But, he is an adult and so, I need YOU all to do that, even more, when you notice him just off to the side.
I see his face light up when one of his friends jumps in the car with him, or responds to a text, or asks him what he's doing. It's really just the little things that make all the difference.
"It's our choices that show what we really are, far more than our abilities" -Albus Dumbledore
This will be your last year together, and I know as you all go off to college next year, or join the work force, you will miss that bright smile, (how could you not) you will miss his encouragement, but I don't think you will realize just how much, until it's over ~ I do know however, that he will miss you all fiercely. He genuinely cares about each and every one of you. I want you all to have fun, your Senior year should be a year of memories. My hope is that this year, while you are making these fabulous memories, you will think of Rhein. I want him to have amazing memories from his Senior year, just like you. So, please just remember that. You all can help him make memories, you can help with his confidence, you all can help prepare him for his own college experience, you all can teach him that it's ok to ask, it's ok to include himself. You all could make a difference this year, that will affect him for the rest of his life. And if you do, it may just affect the rest of your life too.
"Those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly, we are not the same afterwards" -Life of Pi
Dear Holton High School Class of 2017:
This is it, the last year of high school. I am having a really hard time as this year starts, your mom's probably are too. I have watched most of you grow from pre-school to now. I have seen how your friendships have changed, I have seen you become young adults. I thank God for early intervention and the pre-school Rhein was able to attend. I watched you as you all became aware of Rhein's "differences" and I watched you, with bursting heart, just accept him as he is. As you have all grown older I see those same kids who accepted his quirkiness in pre-school become his biggest fans and supporters in high school. I have seen his Football Team defend him fiercely when he walks out onto the field. I have seen you stand up for and stick up for Rhein. I know you all care about him, I know you want what is best for him. I also know you do not tolerate ANYONE being mean to him. But........
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, it's not going to get better. It's not." - The Lorax
What many people don't realize about Rhein, is that he is riddled with, what is sometimes paralyzing social anxiety, he wants to go places, he wants to do things.....but if you pay attention you will see, he is always "just outside" the circle or the group. He's present, he's a part of it, but he doesn't just interject himself, he doesn't just join in. Why? He's afraid. He wants everyone to like him, he doesn't want to make anyone mad, he doesn't want to be made fun of. He doesn't want to disappoint.
"Would you CHOOSE to be tolerated or to be WHOLLY ACCEPTED as you are?" - Unknown
You can not imagine how excited and happy he is when he gets invited to go somewhere, one on one or with a group. Or how totally bummed out he is when all his friends go somewhere, but no one thought to invite him to ride with them (his anxiety is too much to drive on the highway or big city). There have been times with him where someone asks, "are you going?", but his answer is just No...he doesn't say, "well I want to, but I need a ride", or "could I go WITH you"? (I know ALL of you would take him if he asked). He takes things very literally, so your invitations must be direct!
There are many times that I see him standing just off to the side and I so badly want to yell..."Rhein, get over there with your group, join in....have fun!" But, he is an adult and so, I need YOU all to do that, even more, when you notice him just off to the side.
I see his face light up when one of his friends jumps in the car with him, or responds to a text, or asks him what he's doing. It's really just the little things that make all the difference.
"It's our choices that show what we really are, far more than our abilities" -Albus Dumbledore
This will be your last year together, and I know as you all go off to college next year, or join the work force, you will miss that bright smile, (how could you not) you will miss his encouragement, but I don't think you will realize just how much, until it's over ~ I do know however, that he will miss you all fiercely. He genuinely cares about each and every one of you. I want you all to have fun, your Senior year should be a year of memories. My hope is that this year, while you are making these fabulous memories, you will think of Rhein. I want him to have amazing memories from his Senior year, just like you. So, please just remember that. You all can help him make memories, you can help with his confidence, you all can help prepare him for his own college experience, you all can teach him that it's ok to ask, it's ok to include himself. You all could make a difference this year, that will affect him for the rest of his life. And if you do, it may just affect the rest of your life too."Those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly, we are not the same afterwards" -Life of Pi
Friday, July 8, 2016
The enemy in us all ~ Fear........
"The enemy is fear. We think it's hate; But, it is fear" - Gandhi
1992...... Rodney King. I was 13 years old and remember crying watching the footage of Rodney King being brutally beaten by police, sick to my stomach. For those who don't know or don't remember, Rodney King was a paroled felon, he was driving, he was under the influence and he led police on a high-speed chase in Los Angeles. He then "surrendered", but allegedly remained uncooperative and resisted arrest. What followed that was a 90 second disturbing video of 4 policemen brutally attacking, kicking and beating this man with their batons. It was, at the time, the most graphic and disturbing thing I had ever seen. When the court decided to release the 4 officers without charges the city went crazy....the people protested, and so began the LA Riots, 3 days of violence, death and destruction. I can remember the shock, and honestly I still cry when I read about it.
If you would have told me then, that 24 years from now my children would see graphic, disturbing video on a weekly (if not more) basis, I wouldn't have believed you.....it's still hard to believe and it sickens me that something that was once so outrageous, has become the "norm".
We, as a society, are so desensitized to violence that it is truly disturbing. Whether it is due to movies, tv, live video, video games, it is still disturbing; it is a sad time to be part of this "human" race.
"They hate because they fear, and they fear because they feel the deepest feelings of their lives are being assaulted and outraged. And they do not know why; they are powerless pawns in a blind play of social forces." - Richard Wright
What in the world has happened in Twenty-Four years time that our citizens now behave like, or worse than, those of a third-world country. That we have terrorist living with us, so filled with hate that they are shooting up schools, office buildings, movie theaters, night clubs and now peaceful rally's?
Then the saddest part is, instead of coming together and looking for a solution to this very disturbing and terrifying problem, hate begets more hate and ignorance ensues all around us. People are divided by beliefs, race, gender, religion. Everyone is placing blame and spewing hate, no one is reflecting on themselves, no one is admitting to any wrong doing. We can't ALL be the victims, we ARE NOT all the victims.
"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate." - Rick Warren
My Social media page has been filled with hate lately. Someone expresses an opinion 20 people disagree and an argument gets opened up in their comment section. After a while, the people are out of facts and they just begin personally insulting the "commenters", because I guess that's what we do. We don't like what someone says, we resort to name calling. Instead of stepping back and realizing that maybe there are 50 sides to the same story, maybe we can try to see someone else's point of view, we write them off......it's much easier. In this cyber world, where we don't have to say anything to someone's face we can just sit back and type anything we want, regardless of how it makes someone feel. We can bully and name call and say things we would NEVER say to someone sitting across from us, we have no manners and no regard for other people's feelings.....NONE.
So, what should we do? STOP....just STOP. We need to reach out, we need to band together despite our differences, we are all DIFFERENT, we need to work together to STOP this cycle of violence. It's getting worse. It will keep getting worse, unless we make some drastic changes and that scares me.
What will the next 20 years be like? We have regressed this much in the compassion department in the last 20 years, what will it be like in 20 more? That questions disturbs me, it makes me afraid.....what will my children's world be like, or their children.....and what does fear do? It causes hate and then more violence.
The answer.....LOVE, care about your fellow humans NO MATTER their personal lifestyles or beliefs. RESPECT all people, NO MATTER their profession or skin color. TRUST that if we work together, if we Love and Respect one another, we can fix this, we are human, we do have compassion and FEAR can not win, if we don't let it. Stop being assholes.
"This world of ours...must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be instead, a confederation of mutual trust and respect." - Dwight D. Eisenhower
1992...... Rodney King. I was 13 years old and remember crying watching the footage of Rodney King being brutally beaten by police, sick to my stomach. For those who don't know or don't remember, Rodney King was a paroled felon, he was driving, he was under the influence and he led police on a high-speed chase in Los Angeles. He then "surrendered", but allegedly remained uncooperative and resisted arrest. What followed that was a 90 second disturbing video of 4 policemen brutally attacking, kicking and beating this man with their batons. It was, at the time, the most graphic and disturbing thing I had ever seen. When the court decided to release the 4 officers without charges the city went crazy....the people protested, and so began the LA Riots, 3 days of violence, death and destruction. I can remember the shock, and honestly I still cry when I read about it.
If you would have told me then, that 24 years from now my children would see graphic, disturbing video on a weekly (if not more) basis, I wouldn't have believed you.....it's still hard to believe and it sickens me that something that was once so outrageous, has become the "norm".
We, as a society, are so desensitized to violence that it is truly disturbing. Whether it is due to movies, tv, live video, video games, it is still disturbing; it is a sad time to be part of this "human" race.
"They hate because they fear, and they fear because they feel the deepest feelings of their lives are being assaulted and outraged. And they do not know why; they are powerless pawns in a blind play of social forces." - Richard Wright
What in the world has happened in Twenty-Four years time that our citizens now behave like, or worse than, those of a third-world country. That we have terrorist living with us, so filled with hate that they are shooting up schools, office buildings, movie theaters, night clubs and now peaceful rally's?
Then the saddest part is, instead of coming together and looking for a solution to this very disturbing and terrifying problem, hate begets more hate and ignorance ensues all around us. People are divided by beliefs, race, gender, religion. Everyone is placing blame and spewing hate, no one is reflecting on themselves, no one is admitting to any wrong doing. We can't ALL be the victims, we ARE NOT all the victims.
"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate." - Rick Warren
My Social media page has been filled with hate lately. Someone expresses an opinion 20 people disagree and an argument gets opened up in their comment section. After a while, the people are out of facts and they just begin personally insulting the "commenters", because I guess that's what we do. We don't like what someone says, we resort to name calling. Instead of stepping back and realizing that maybe there are 50 sides to the same story, maybe we can try to see someone else's point of view, we write them off......it's much easier. In this cyber world, where we don't have to say anything to someone's face we can just sit back and type anything we want, regardless of how it makes someone feel. We can bully and name call and say things we would NEVER say to someone sitting across from us, we have no manners and no regard for other people's feelings.....NONE.
So, what should we do? STOP....just STOP. We need to reach out, we need to band together despite our differences, we are all DIFFERENT, we need to work together to STOP this cycle of violence. It's getting worse. It will keep getting worse, unless we make some drastic changes and that scares me.
What will the next 20 years be like? We have regressed this much in the compassion department in the last 20 years, what will it be like in 20 more? That questions disturbs me, it makes me afraid.....what will my children's world be like, or their children.....and what does fear do? It causes hate and then more violence.
The answer.....LOVE, care about your fellow humans NO MATTER their personal lifestyles or beliefs. RESPECT all people, NO MATTER their profession or skin color. TRUST that if we work together, if we Love and Respect one another, we can fix this, we are human, we do have compassion and FEAR can not win, if we don't let it. Stop being assholes.
"This world of ours...must avoid becoming a community of dreadful fear and hate, and be instead, a confederation of mutual trust and respect." - Dwight D. Eisenhower
Friday, May 6, 2016
Who wrote your "manual"?
Motherhood doesn't come with a manual.......I've heard this saying a MILLION times. While it is true, I somewhat disagree.....for me, I have realized that I have been writing my own manual since my own childhood, taking pages from other people's life lessons. Watching, learning, being inspired, taking mental notes of what seems to work, and what absolutely does not.
Mother's Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays.....not because I get flowers (and sometimes breakfast) and not because I get to drink Mimosas, but because I get to reflect. I really enjoy reflecting, but it does make me emotional. When I think back on the amazing strong women that have helped to make me the person I am I realize how fortunate I am. There are countless women that have affected my life, from childhood to now, I could never name or count them all. I could never give them all the credit they deserve, I can only hope they know they had an impact.
"When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself" - Nancy Friday
My own mother, who managed a household, a husband, a full time job and three demanding children, but still made time to be a girl scout leader: She has contributed several pages to my manual, she taught me countless things.... she taught me that nothing in life is easy, you always stand up and fight for your family, it's ok to yell, it is ok to not be perfect, you have to work hard to see reward, you most certainly can't take it all with you in the end, so..... GO....travel, go camping, learn something new, have desert, make memories.
My grandmothers wrote a few pages too. My grandma lost her husband (my Grandpa) while she was pretty young, (I was very young) and while she grieved his loss deeply~ she taught me that love doesn't end at death, and it is OK to be strong and independent, you can do anything you set your mind to. My Granny, oh boy......the list is too long for this blog, but mostly she taught me family is important, how you treat other people is a direct reflection on yourself, everyone should know how to make a good gravy, anything can be good if you make it with love, and if God gave you a gift....you use it.
I have a few pages taken from the mothers' of my childhood friends, I won't list names....but, from them I learned a few things.....don't pull down on your eye when you put eyeliner on (it will make you have bags), it is totally ok to be the mom in the middle of everything with a camera (you only embarrass your own child during this), if you treat your children with total trust and respect as teenagers they turn in to amazing adults, a little swearing never hurt anyone, but it isn't ok to be disrespectful, save the arguments for the big stuff, don't be so busy that you can't make time for your kids, be who you are....not who someone wants you to be, some people will like you (some people won't), having snacks on hand for teenagers means they will hang out at your house.
"Everyone is my teacher. Some I seek. Some I subconsciously attract. Often I learn simply by observing others. Some may be completely unaware that I'm learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude." - Eric Allen
I was also fortunate enough to have an amazing woman as a pastor during my teenage years who contributed to my "motherhood" manual. She baptized me, and eventually performed my wedding ceremony. It is hard to sum her up in a few words. Mesmerizing just about encompasses all that she is. She taught me to love, not just part way....deeply and with your whole heart. She taught me to be kind, even to people who are not kind to you. She taught me to be strong, and thankful... because I will never be doing anything alone, God is always with me.
During trials of my life I have been blessed with angels, who were really just regular women, but they felt a lot like angels at the time. Never under estimate the power of a random act of kindness, it truly can make a world of difference.
As an adult I met and was able to appreciate some more amazing women, and kept adding pages to my manual. My aunt, who helped me keep my chin up while struggling with the after affects of my children's diagnosis. My mother-in-law, who through some pretty big life trials, made the hard choices to make sure her son's life was the best she could give him. My friends, who demanded meeting for coffee once a week....just for a break, and laughs. A few amazing friends who gave me the courage, strength and tools to be able to go talk to my son's classroom about his disability. A whole online support group of mother's who are the first one's to reach out in crisis, or lend an ear, or give valuable advice. My sisters, who taught me patience from a very early age (I still struggle with that), but have become pretty astounding women. My cousins, who have become irreplaceable friends. The amazing mother's I have met in person through Fragile X events, that felt like lifelong friends and sisters immediately. The ladies that let me vent to them and allow me to laugh at myself at least once a week.
"I've learned that family and friends are what make us who we are today and without them we would never be complete." ~ unknown
My best friends, one I can call for medical advice, opinions and breakthrough news. I think of everyone, I may have leaned on her the hardest right after the boys' diagnosis (and many of the pages from my friends' moms are from her mom) but she never let me fall, she always believed I could do it, or at least pretended. The day I went to take my real estate exam, she called to tell me good luck "you got this" she said. A few hours later, I called to tell her I passed and her exact words were "Holy Shit, you really passed?" ....yep, she totally believes in me. Another bestie, who somehow manages to defy the odds time and time again. Who works her ass off to support her 4 kids, by herself.....with little help from anyone. Who will never let the world bring her down, and who taught me a LONG time ago.....if people are going to talk anyway, give them something good to talk about. And of course my other best friend, who taught me that it is important to take time for me, that kindness is always the answer and that the silver lining is always brighter than the cloud.
My biggest blessing in life is having these three amazing boys. The best compliment I've ever received is being told I am a good mom. That's all I've ever wanted. I'm far from perfect, I don't have all the answers.....I just do my best and rely on that mental "manual" sometimes. So....my fellow women. We all have our own way of parenting, of mothering, none of us do it the same, none of us is right or wrong. But, when it is all said and done, if I have contributed even one page to someone else's "manual", then I will have done something right.
Mother's Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays.....not because I get flowers (and sometimes breakfast) and not because I get to drink Mimosas, but because I get to reflect. I really enjoy reflecting, but it does make me emotional. When I think back on the amazing strong women that have helped to make me the person I am I realize how fortunate I am. There are countless women that have affected my life, from childhood to now, I could never name or count them all. I could never give them all the credit they deserve, I can only hope they know they had an impact.
"When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself" - Nancy Friday
My own mother, who managed a household, a husband, a full time job and three demanding children, but still made time to be a girl scout leader: She has contributed several pages to my manual, she taught me countless things.... she taught me that nothing in life is easy, you always stand up and fight for your family, it's ok to yell, it is ok to not be perfect, you have to work hard to see reward, you most certainly can't take it all with you in the end, so..... GO....travel, go camping, learn something new, have desert, make memories.
My grandmothers wrote a few pages too. My grandma lost her husband (my Grandpa) while she was pretty young, (I was very young) and while she grieved his loss deeply~ she taught me that love doesn't end at death, and it is OK to be strong and independent, you can do anything you set your mind to. My Granny, oh boy......the list is too long for this blog, but mostly she taught me family is important, how you treat other people is a direct reflection on yourself, everyone should know how to make a good gravy, anything can be good if you make it with love, and if God gave you a gift....you use it.
I have a few pages taken from the mothers' of my childhood friends, I won't list names....but, from them I learned a few things.....don't pull down on your eye when you put eyeliner on (it will make you have bags), it is totally ok to be the mom in the middle of everything with a camera (you only embarrass your own child during this), if you treat your children with total trust and respect as teenagers they turn in to amazing adults, a little swearing never hurt anyone, but it isn't ok to be disrespectful, save the arguments for the big stuff, don't be so busy that you can't make time for your kids, be who you are....not who someone wants you to be, some people will like you (some people won't), having snacks on hand for teenagers means they will hang out at your house.
"Everyone is my teacher. Some I seek. Some I subconsciously attract. Often I learn simply by observing others. Some may be completely unaware that I'm learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude." - Eric Allen
I was also fortunate enough to have an amazing woman as a pastor during my teenage years who contributed to my "motherhood" manual. She baptized me, and eventually performed my wedding ceremony. It is hard to sum her up in a few words. Mesmerizing just about encompasses all that she is. She taught me to love, not just part way....deeply and with your whole heart. She taught me to be kind, even to people who are not kind to you. She taught me to be strong, and thankful... because I will never be doing anything alone, God is always with me.
During trials of my life I have been blessed with angels, who were really just regular women, but they felt a lot like angels at the time. Never under estimate the power of a random act of kindness, it truly can make a world of difference.
As an adult I met and was able to appreciate some more amazing women, and kept adding pages to my manual. My aunt, who helped me keep my chin up while struggling with the after affects of my children's diagnosis. My mother-in-law, who through some pretty big life trials, made the hard choices to make sure her son's life was the best she could give him. My friends, who demanded meeting for coffee once a week....just for a break, and laughs. A few amazing friends who gave me the courage, strength and tools to be able to go talk to my son's classroom about his disability. A whole online support group of mother's who are the first one's to reach out in crisis, or lend an ear, or give valuable advice. My sisters, who taught me patience from a very early age (I still struggle with that), but have become pretty astounding women. My cousins, who have become irreplaceable friends. The amazing mother's I have met in person through Fragile X events, that felt like lifelong friends and sisters immediately. The ladies that let me vent to them and allow me to laugh at myself at least once a week.
"I've learned that family and friends are what make us who we are today and without them we would never be complete." ~ unknown
My best friends, one I can call for medical advice, opinions and breakthrough news. I think of everyone, I may have leaned on her the hardest right after the boys' diagnosis (and many of the pages from my friends' moms are from her mom) but she never let me fall, she always believed I could do it, or at least pretended. The day I went to take my real estate exam, she called to tell me good luck "you got this" she said. A few hours later, I called to tell her I passed and her exact words were "Holy Shit, you really passed?" ....yep, she totally believes in me. Another bestie, who somehow manages to defy the odds time and time again. Who works her ass off to support her 4 kids, by herself.....with little help from anyone. Who will never let the world bring her down, and who taught me a LONG time ago.....if people are going to talk anyway, give them something good to talk about. And of course my other best friend, who taught me that it is important to take time for me, that kindness is always the answer and that the silver lining is always brighter than the cloud.
My biggest blessing in life is having these three amazing boys. The best compliment I've ever received is being told I am a good mom. That's all I've ever wanted. I'm far from perfect, I don't have all the answers.....I just do my best and rely on that mental "manual" sometimes. So....my fellow women. We all have our own way of parenting, of mothering, none of us do it the same, none of us is right or wrong. But, when it is all said and done, if I have contributed even one page to someone else's "manual", then I will have done something right.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
I choose to be me......
"Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?" ~ K.W.
We live in a world where you can really be anyone you want to be online, you can literally present the picture of perfection and hope that people buy it. You can photo shop, you can fib, you can warp reality all you want. People get so angry at the media, because we are teaching little girls and boys that they MUST be perfect to be beautiful, no one wants to hold that mirror up and see that they are also guilty, that it isn't just the media....
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not" ~ Kurt Cobain
Hi.....my name is Christina, I weigh more than the chart at the doctor's office says I should, I don't enjoy working out (so I rarely do), I do enjoy food (mostly fattening food) and chocolate, I also enjoy wine and Bud Light, I started smoking when I was 15 (and probably won't stop anytime soon), I got pregnant 2 weeks after I graduated high school, I have messed up, I have made HUGE mistakes, I lived in a state of denial about my children's abilities for years, I hate dusting, I swear (alot), I fight with my sisters, I yell at my husband, I slam the door, I have extreme anxiety (and take medication to control it), I am sarcastic, I have bouts of depression, I over share my feelings, I can be mean, I am frustrated, I sometimes don't do housework for an entire week, I am exhausted. And that's me (most of the bad anyway) ....take it or leave it, better or worse.
See, I grew up (and still live) in a very small town. I learned very early in life, that no matter what you do, there will always be gossip, there will always be people talking behind your back. (Not everyday....I mean, I don't think THAT highly of myself). So, what exactly is the point of pretending? People either like me or they don't.....I can not MAKE someone like me, and if they like the you that you are "presenting" without the scars and warts, then that's just not real, it's not genuine. I feel bad for people who have to keep up that persona. I have had people, very close to me in life, that never acknowledged the bad......and I could just never figure that out.
First, how can you fully appreciate the good without acknowledging the bad? How can I be absolutely amazed by the character of some people, if I've never been disappointed by others? How can I fully appreciate the heights we rise to, If I have never noticed the depths we have fallen to?
"Everyone experiences some good times and some bad times in their life...But sometimes it takes the darkness of a storm to experience the beauty that the sun can leave behind." ~ Karen Kostyla
Secondly.....how will you ever HELP anyone? What exactly is the point of the individual hell's we ALL go through, if we can't at some point help someone else? I've been there, I'm not afraid to tell you (or anyone) I have gotten so low and so deep into a lifestyle full of despair that I sometimes felt I was literally in HELL. But, I made it out...... and what for? If not to somehow help someone else.
"Generally speaking, there are TWO kinds of learning: Experience, which is gained from your own mistakes, and Wisdom, which is learned from the mistakes of others." ~ John Maxwell
So yes, I could easily present a picture of my "perfect" life with my amazing children, and my wonderful husband, my cute dog, my beautiful home and my new car. I could tell you all how much I love being able to be home with my kids, how much I love my hobbies and my amazing friends, how perfect life is here, on the brick streets of Kansas, none of that is a "lie", it just isn't realistic.....it isn't the whole truth.....it's the rainbows and unicorns version.
I feel I have a responsibility to the people I know and care about, to be able to show them that sometimes life sucks.....sometimes people suck, but it is worth it....all of the bad, all of the mistakes, all of the learning curve, all the hard feelings, all the hurt and despair. It's all worth it. Don't embrace the bad, or dwell in it, don't regret and wallow........ but acknowledge it, because that allows the good, the awesome, the amazing parts of life to be that more wonderful and much more appreciated. In this world where it's so easy to be anyone you want to be....I choose to be me, all of me. The good the bad, the amazing things that have contributed to shaping me to who I am today.....and will everyone like that person? No.....but,I assure you, I'm ok with that.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." ~ Marilyn Monroe
We live in a world where you can really be anyone you want to be online, you can literally present the picture of perfection and hope that people buy it. You can photo shop, you can fib, you can warp reality all you want. People get so angry at the media, because we are teaching little girls and boys that they MUST be perfect to be beautiful, no one wants to hold that mirror up and see that they are also guilty, that it isn't just the media....
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not" ~ Kurt Cobain
Hi.....my name is Christina, I weigh more than the chart at the doctor's office says I should, I don't enjoy working out (so I rarely do), I do enjoy food (mostly fattening food) and chocolate, I also enjoy wine and Bud Light, I started smoking when I was 15 (and probably won't stop anytime soon), I got pregnant 2 weeks after I graduated high school, I have messed up, I have made HUGE mistakes, I lived in a state of denial about my children's abilities for years, I hate dusting, I swear (alot), I fight with my sisters, I yell at my husband, I slam the door, I have extreme anxiety (and take medication to control it), I am sarcastic, I have bouts of depression, I over share my feelings, I can be mean, I am frustrated, I sometimes don't do housework for an entire week, I am exhausted. And that's me (most of the bad anyway) ....take it or leave it, better or worse.
See, I grew up (and still live) in a very small town. I learned very early in life, that no matter what you do, there will always be gossip, there will always be people talking behind your back. (Not everyday....I mean, I don't think THAT highly of myself). So, what exactly is the point of pretending? People either like me or they don't.....I can not MAKE someone like me, and if they like the you that you are "presenting" without the scars and warts, then that's just not real, it's not genuine. I feel bad for people who have to keep up that persona. I have had people, very close to me in life, that never acknowledged the bad......and I could just never figure that out.
First, how can you fully appreciate the good without acknowledging the bad? How can I be absolutely amazed by the character of some people, if I've never been disappointed by others? How can I fully appreciate the heights we rise to, If I have never noticed the depths we have fallen to?
"Everyone experiences some good times and some bad times in their life...But sometimes it takes the darkness of a storm to experience the beauty that the sun can leave behind." ~ Karen Kostyla
Secondly.....how will you ever HELP anyone? What exactly is the point of the individual hell's we ALL go through, if we can't at some point help someone else? I've been there, I'm not afraid to tell you (or anyone) I have gotten so low and so deep into a lifestyle full of despair that I sometimes felt I was literally in HELL. But, I made it out...... and what for? If not to somehow help someone else.
"Generally speaking, there are TWO kinds of learning: Experience, which is gained from your own mistakes, and Wisdom, which is learned from the mistakes of others." ~ John Maxwell
So yes, I could easily present a picture of my "perfect" life with my amazing children, and my wonderful husband, my cute dog, my beautiful home and my new car. I could tell you all how much I love being able to be home with my kids, how much I love my hobbies and my amazing friends, how perfect life is here, on the brick streets of Kansas, none of that is a "lie", it just isn't realistic.....it isn't the whole truth.....it's the rainbows and unicorns version.
I feel I have a responsibility to the people I know and care about, to be able to show them that sometimes life sucks.....sometimes people suck, but it is worth it....all of the bad, all of the mistakes, all of the learning curve, all the hard feelings, all the hurt and despair. It's all worth it. Don't embrace the bad, or dwell in it, don't regret and wallow........ but acknowledge it, because that allows the good, the awesome, the amazing parts of life to be that more wonderful and much more appreciated. In this world where it's so easy to be anyone you want to be....I choose to be me, all of me. The good the bad, the amazing things that have contributed to shaping me to who I am today.....and will everyone like that person? No.....but,I assure you, I'm ok with that.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." ~ Marilyn Monroe
Friday, March 11, 2016
'My Person'.......what my 'adult' best friend has taught me
"A true friend accepts who you are, but also helps you to become who you should be" - Anonymous
I had to fill out some questionnaires about myself this week, for a study that my son and I have participated in for the past 4 years. The questions were about my anxiety, and how anxious certain situations make me and how often I avoid said situations. The thing is, I have to fill the papers out for how I have felt the last month....half way through the questions, I just start laughing. While the anxiety I feel in certain situations has not changed much, my avoidance definitely has. Where I used to mark, I avoid this OFTEN, I now had to mark SOMETIMES or OCCASIONALLY. This is all because of one person, "my person" which according to urban dictionary means: Someone who is not necessarily your boyfriend or girlfriend but is still your favorite person in the whole world. You would do anything for this person and want to be with them all the time.
I have been blessed with some amazing friends, but I keep my circle pretty small, my two best friends have been my friends since GRADE SCHOOL, I rarely let people in. When you find your 'adult' best friend, it is life changing....it seems like there wasn't a time when we weren't friends. Because of her I leave the house at least once a week to do something I like to do....band practice (I sing). She also signs us up for random gigs around town at nursing homes and senior citizens centers, and volunteers us to help at caucuses. She also will call me up and ask me to go watch a band in 2 hours, and amazingly I go! She embodies the art of spontaneity, and she radiates joy and happiness. I'm pretty sure she would qualify as a Type B personality..... I am in awe of her a lot of times, she makes me a much better person.
I want to try new things when I am around her, and she makes me believe I can. There are times that she drives me crazy, seriously CRAZY. But, she has inspired this list, and I hope you enjoy it!
1. Don't take yourself so seriously........ really, no one cares what you are wearing or if you miss a note here or there. They won't remember that! They will remember that you looked like you were having fun!
2. No regrets.......... the dishes will be there tomorrow, so will the laundry. You can't get time back, there are no do-overs, so enjoy every minute.
3. Sometimes planning is over rated........when I plan things, I tend to "over think" them to death and usually talk myself out of even going. When things are last minute, there is no plan and way less stress, you just go.
4. Life's for the living....... there isn't much you can do if you don't leave your home. There is joy in meeting new people and having new experiences.
5. Everything will be ok.......So....what's the worst thing that can happen? So, you didn't get a paper turned in, or you were 15 minutes late to something, or you didn't feel like making dinner. What is the absolute worst thing that can happen? You'll get over it, everyone will, and it will be ok.
6. It's not the end of the world.........this really goes along with #5, I mean NOTHING, that's right NOTHING is the end of the world EXCEPT the actual end of the world!
7. Smile......yep, you just look better when you smile, people want to be around happy people.
8. Hakuna Matata, it means "no worries" that's her phrase (and her ringtone on my phone). It's also my constant reminder to breathe and refer to 1-7.
So, everyone with anxiety needs a type B friend. At the beginning you WILL need extra medication, but believe me.....they will rub off a little on you and you will be all the better for it.
"You have been my friend" replied Charlotte. "That in itself is a tremendous thing."
- E.B. White (Charlotte's Web)
I had to fill out some questionnaires about myself this week, for a study that my son and I have participated in for the past 4 years. The questions were about my anxiety, and how anxious certain situations make me and how often I avoid said situations. The thing is, I have to fill the papers out for how I have felt the last month....half way through the questions, I just start laughing. While the anxiety I feel in certain situations has not changed much, my avoidance definitely has. Where I used to mark, I avoid this OFTEN, I now had to mark SOMETIMES or OCCASIONALLY. This is all because of one person, "my person" which according to urban dictionary means: Someone who is not necessarily your boyfriend or girlfriend but is still your favorite person in the whole world. You would do anything for this person and want to be with them all the time.
I have been blessed with some amazing friends, but I keep my circle pretty small, my two best friends have been my friends since GRADE SCHOOL, I rarely let people in. When you find your 'adult' best friend, it is life changing....it seems like there wasn't a time when we weren't friends. Because of her I leave the house at least once a week to do something I like to do....band practice (I sing). She also signs us up for random gigs around town at nursing homes and senior citizens centers, and volunteers us to help at caucuses. She also will call me up and ask me to go watch a band in 2 hours, and amazingly I go! She embodies the art of spontaneity, and she radiates joy and happiness. I'm pretty sure she would qualify as a Type B personality..... I am in awe of her a lot of times, she makes me a much better person.
I want to try new things when I am around her, and she makes me believe I can. There are times that she drives me crazy, seriously CRAZY. But, she has inspired this list, and I hope you enjoy it!
1. Don't take yourself so seriously........ really, no one cares what you are wearing or if you miss a note here or there. They won't remember that! They will remember that you looked like you were having fun!
2. No regrets.......... the dishes will be there tomorrow, so will the laundry. You can't get time back, there are no do-overs, so enjoy every minute.
3. Sometimes planning is over rated........when I plan things, I tend to "over think" them to death and usually talk myself out of even going. When things are last minute, there is no plan and way less stress, you just go.
4. Life's for the living....... there isn't much you can do if you don't leave your home. There is joy in meeting new people and having new experiences.
5. Everything will be ok.......So....what's the worst thing that can happen? So, you didn't get a paper turned in, or you were 15 minutes late to something, or you didn't feel like making dinner. What is the absolute worst thing that can happen? You'll get over it, everyone will, and it will be ok.
6. It's not the end of the world.........this really goes along with #5, I mean NOTHING, that's right NOTHING is the end of the world EXCEPT the actual end of the world!
7. Smile......yep, you just look better when you smile, people want to be around happy people.
8. Hakuna Matata, it means "no worries" that's her phrase (and her ringtone on my phone). It's also my constant reminder to breathe and refer to 1-7.
So, everyone with anxiety needs a type B friend. At the beginning you WILL need extra medication, but believe me.....they will rub off a little on you and you will be all the better for it.
"You have been my friend" replied Charlotte. "That in itself is a tremendous thing."
- E.B. White (Charlotte's Web)
Friday, March 4, 2016
My vote is my voice.......
"Voting is the right upon which all other rights depend" ~ Thomas Paine
I don't write political blogs, I just don't. We are all free to have our own personal opinions, and more than likely mine are different than yours, but I respect that. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all agreed on everything. One thing having to do with politics that I will stand on my soap box for is voting, and the importance of it. First a quick history lesson.......
"All persecution is a sign of fear; for if we did not fear the power of an opinion different from our own, we should not mind others holding it." ~ Phyllis Bottome
Our ancestors came to America to get away from religious persecution (that is why, in America, we have freedom of religion). People were persecuted for believing something different than the "mainstream". They were banished, driven out of their homes, tortured and even executed for not believing the same as the majority. America still has freedom of religion, but it becomes slippery slope, when we start fearing what is different or try to make laws to protect one certain religions point of view. The fact is there are 313 different religions and denominations in the United States......whoever you are and whatever you believe, you must be respectful that there are at least 312 other ways to look at something, or believe.
"Poverty is not a lack of character. It is a lack of money. A lack of opportunity. A lack of investment.It is when society turns it's back and makes you invisible." ~ Unknown
They also left England due to economic hardships, to give their children and their children's children a better life...today 35% of Americans rely on public assistance to supplement their household, due to starvation wages. The official number of people living BELOW the poverty line (that is based on household size, a family of 5 who makes less than $28,410, a family of 4 making less than $24,250, 3 family members making less than $20,090, 2 making less than $15,930 or 1 person household bringing home less than $11,770) is 18%. Think about that for one moment, if you are a single mom with 2 kids and you work at a job 40 hours a week, that pays only minimum wage you NEED assistance. That doesn't make you lazy, or a free loader...it means we need higher wages, it means American citizens should be doing everything they can to fight for and demand better. The richest county in the world should not have poverty rates this high, should not have people living on the streets, should not have people terrified of not being able to feed their kids. It is simply NOT ACCEPTABLE, and it is in fact one reason people moved from England to America......a better life.
"Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting." ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt
Another reason to leave England was political oppression and tyranny. There was no democracy in England, there was a King and his court, there was the Royal family. They made all the decisions, there was no vote, there was no "we the people", they were being ruled by the thoughts and desires of a small percentage of the population. Which is why the fore-fathers of the United States fought so hard to separate from England, to become our own County, to be a government "for the people, by the people". I fear they would be disgusted at what has become of our political system, essentially it is becoming what they hated the most. We have a select group of people (Congress) who have no term limits, who spend as much as FIFTY ONE years in office. Who become so out of touch with the people they "represent" that they are no longer truly representing them. We Americans, all 318.9 million of us are "represented by 535 members of the house and senate, 1.67%.
"Bad officials are elected by good people who don't vote" ~ George Jean Nathan
Which brings me to my point.....history lesson over. WHY? Why do we allow people so out of touch with their constitutes to stay in office, why do we allow their votes to be bought by lobbyist, why do we allow the corruption and greed? Simple.....no one thinks their vote matters, no one wants to wait in line at the polls. We have become so complacent as citizens that we are not even utilizing our most important right, our right to have our voices heard, our right to make a difference, our right to VOTE. in 2012, 42.5% of the population of the United States of America DID NOT show up to vote. They just didn't. Recently in my hometown we had a City Primary vote, it had a voter turnout (including early voting) of 11%, ELEVEN PERCENT! We live in a world where people have been tortured, beaten, and even murdered fighting for their right to vote, to be heard.....sadly there are still Countries where people fight every day for that right.....but my fellow Americans, the Fat Cats of the world, the entitled, we take it all for granted........so please go and VOTE.....or, do nothing, but either way, make sure to bitch about it later.
"My vote is my voice.....and the voice of all who struggled, so that I may have my voice." ~ Lyida C. Obasi
I don't write political blogs, I just don't. We are all free to have our own personal opinions, and more than likely mine are different than yours, but I respect that. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all agreed on everything. One thing having to do with politics that I will stand on my soap box for is voting, and the importance of it. First a quick history lesson.......
"All persecution is a sign of fear; for if we did not fear the power of an opinion different from our own, we should not mind others holding it." ~ Phyllis Bottome
Our ancestors came to America to get away from religious persecution (that is why, in America, we have freedom of religion). People were persecuted for believing something different than the "mainstream". They were banished, driven out of their homes, tortured and even executed for not believing the same as the majority. America still has freedom of religion, but it becomes slippery slope, when we start fearing what is different or try to make laws to protect one certain religions point of view. The fact is there are 313 different religions and denominations in the United States......whoever you are and whatever you believe, you must be respectful that there are at least 312 other ways to look at something, or believe.
"Poverty is not a lack of character. It is a lack of money. A lack of opportunity. A lack of investment.It is when society turns it's back and makes you invisible." ~ Unknown
They also left England due to economic hardships, to give their children and their children's children a better life...today 35% of Americans rely on public assistance to supplement their household, due to starvation wages. The official number of people living BELOW the poverty line (that is based on household size, a family of 5 who makes less than $28,410, a family of 4 making less than $24,250, 3 family members making less than $20,090, 2 making less than $15,930 or 1 person household bringing home less than $11,770) is 18%. Think about that for one moment, if you are a single mom with 2 kids and you work at a job 40 hours a week, that pays only minimum wage you NEED assistance. That doesn't make you lazy, or a free loader...it means we need higher wages, it means American citizens should be doing everything they can to fight for and demand better. The richest county in the world should not have poverty rates this high, should not have people living on the streets, should not have people terrified of not being able to feed their kids. It is simply NOT ACCEPTABLE, and it is in fact one reason people moved from England to America......a better life.
"Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting." ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt
Another reason to leave England was political oppression and tyranny. There was no democracy in England, there was a King and his court, there was the Royal family. They made all the decisions, there was no vote, there was no "we the people", they were being ruled by the thoughts and desires of a small percentage of the population. Which is why the fore-fathers of the United States fought so hard to separate from England, to become our own County, to be a government "for the people, by the people". I fear they would be disgusted at what has become of our political system, essentially it is becoming what they hated the most. We have a select group of people (Congress) who have no term limits, who spend as much as FIFTY ONE years in office. Who become so out of touch with the people they "represent" that they are no longer truly representing them. We Americans, all 318.9 million of us are "represented by 535 members of the house and senate, 1.67%.
"Bad officials are elected by good people who don't vote" ~ George Jean Nathan
Which brings me to my point.....history lesson over. WHY? Why do we allow people so out of touch with their constitutes to stay in office, why do we allow their votes to be bought by lobbyist, why do we allow the corruption and greed? Simple.....no one thinks their vote matters, no one wants to wait in line at the polls. We have become so complacent as citizens that we are not even utilizing our most important right, our right to have our voices heard, our right to make a difference, our right to VOTE. in 2012, 42.5% of the population of the United States of America DID NOT show up to vote. They just didn't. Recently in my hometown we had a City Primary vote, it had a voter turnout (including early voting) of 11%, ELEVEN PERCENT! We live in a world where people have been tortured, beaten, and even murdered fighting for their right to vote, to be heard.....sadly there are still Countries where people fight every day for that right.....but my fellow Americans, the Fat Cats of the world, the entitled, we take it all for granted........so please go and VOTE.....or, do nothing, but either way, make sure to bitch about it later.
"My vote is my voice.....and the voice of all who struggled, so that I may have my voice." ~ Lyida C. Obasi
Monday, February 22, 2016
It hurts because........I feel it
Why is there so much power in ONE word? I am guilty, I am absolutely guilty of using the "R" word as a teenager. I used it as most people did, in place of words like........."dumb", "stupid", "crazy", or "ridiculous". I did A LOT of stupid things as a teenager, things that I would never even consider doing as an adult. That doesn't excuse my behavior then, it doesn't make it ok. It does inflict tremendous pain on my heart to know that when I so carelessly used this word, I hurt someone else.
In 2009 "Spread the Word to end the Word" started, I took the pledge then in March of 2009, and I have taken the pledge every year. I have shared the website, I have asked people to think about their word choices. Visit their site, take the pledge, share their videos and graphics. Do your part......help to make people aware of their word choices, aware that some words do have a stigma attached to them, and that quite frankly makes them unacceptable.
"Words are our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it" ~ Albus Dumbledore
The first time I became conscious of using the word was when I started working as a caregiver for adults with disabilities. I read their files, I saw the medical term "mentally retarded" written in them. For the first time in my life, I put together the medical term with the "slang" and more common use of the word, my clients at the time could have been called many things, but I would not have used any of the words more commonly associated with the R word to describe them...EVER. And so, I became aware of it, and I tried to stop using it. Life went on after that, and though I had mostly removed the word from my vocabulary, my friends and family had not. I didn't say anything, it was just a word I chose not to use.
It wasn't until I was sitting in a classroom in a meeting about my 6 year old child, when the psychologist in attendance said they needed to change his label due to his age, so he would not be classified as DD (developmentally delayed) anymore, he would be MR (Mentally Retarded). That moment in time stands still for me. I remember it like it was yesterday, I remember the words echoing in my head, and feeling so many levels of pain at one time. I remember feeling like I could not breath, like suddenly I was drowning, I remember feeling like someone had just stabbed me in the heart.
"The tongue has no bones but it can break a heart" ~ Ed Sheeran
And why do I HATE that word now? Because my child is not "dumb", "stupid", "crazy", or "ridiculous"........and because, I feel it; I feel it EVERY SINGLE time I hear someone say it, my breath catches and I feel it ALL over again. Every stigma, every hidden meaning, all screaming in my face that my child is whatever they are using the word in place of. I KNOW people don't mean it that way, but that does NOT change what it means to me, or how it makes me feel. I had to start asking people to please not say it, my acquaintances, my friends, my family.....I even went as far once (to a family member) interrupting every time she said it and saying "oh, so you mean it was like my son". I think that night she was furious at me, but she FINALLY understood what I had been trying to tell her, and I am happy to report that since that night several years ago, I've never heard her say the word.
I have also had people try to defend the use of the word to me, I have written those people off for my own sanity. And so through the years people I care about have just respectfully dropped it from their own vocabularies, because they realize how painful it is. One of the proudest moments of my adult life was at one of my birthday celebrations, we were with a group of friends and family at a comedy club, and the comedian was profusely using the R word, I don't think I even sat there for 10 minutes, before my cousin and I got up and walked out, not even 5 minutes later our entire group joined us and we told the manager why we were leaving. Is that huge? Was it life changing? Did the Comedian decide to stop saying the word? No.....but to me, on my birthday.....it was pretty amazing.
"In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends" ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Friday, January 29, 2016
Go your own way.......
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" ~ Neale Donald Walsch
There are many times in my sons 17 years of life that I have stood in utter awe of him. Things I have watched him do, and the pride just swells up inside. Many things, that I know I could not or would not have done. Things I think might break my heart, but he just triumphs, stands tall and moves forward with a confidence I can only aspire to have.
I have said before, that he has many "friends", the thing is..... his friends are much different than mine were, sometimes I just can't wrap my brain around it.
When I was in high school I went no where by myself. I would have never had the courage to walk into a football game, a basketball game, an assembly or a dance alone.....I just wouldn't. Very rarely did I even walk into the school or to class by myself. My friends were with me ALL the time, which I completely adore them for. I wasn't strong enough....I wasn't as strong as him, that much is for sure. I'm still not. As an adult I rarely go places where there will be a large group of people totally by myself.
But, he does...he so badly wants to be a part of things, he so desperately would LOVE for someone to invite him along, but they rarely do and he seems "ok" with that. I can hear the catch in his voice when he knows all his friends are going to something together or going out after a dance, and no one has invited him. But, he doesn't let it change him, he doesn't let it effect his attitude, he doesn't let it erase his smile.
" It takes nothing to join the crowd, it takes everything to stand alone" ~ Annonymous
He goes to all the sporting events he can manage to go to, he drives himself, he goes alone. He was invited to two school dances by friends (which caused so much joy and a smile that could melt your heart), but has gone to many, many more alone. Last night he was picking his clothes for the Winter Formal, I asked who he's going with..his answer "myself". My heart broke a little, but at the same time I'm just so proud of him...he didn't say I'll just go alone, or no one will go with me, he said he is going with himself......... and he was fine with that, he's always been "fine" with that.
It's ME who has the issue, it's ME that feels bad for him, it's ME that wishes people would invite him, it's ME that wants him to be included, it's all ME.
Don't get me wrong, like I said....I hear the catch in his voice, or see the sadness flash across his eyes, I hear the pride in his heart when someone does invite him. But he marches on, he goes alone, he wants to be a part of it all and so he makes it happen.
Prom is coming up, it will be his first year to go. It makes me sick to my stomach.....it makes me want to call every high school girl I know and find a date for him so he never has to deal with rejection, or call all of his "friends" and see if they have a group going, but I won't. I will let him figure it out, and pray to God it doesn't break him down. I can't imagine him without his big heart, or his smile, or his trusting and loving nature. So many times I see him in situations that would have completely BROKEN me, and yet....he perseveres, he marches on.
I know he has some amazing friends, and I know he is an amazing person.....I know he is one of the strongest people I know, and I know that I am proud of him EVERY single day. I just hope that society, the world, and expectations don't ever take away from all that he is and will be.
"What lies before us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us." ~ Henry David Thoreau
There are many times in my sons 17 years of life that I have stood in utter awe of him. Things I have watched him do, and the pride just swells up inside. Many things, that I know I could not or would not have done. Things I think might break my heart, but he just triumphs, stands tall and moves forward with a confidence I can only aspire to have.
I have said before, that he has many "friends", the thing is..... his friends are much different than mine were, sometimes I just can't wrap my brain around it.
But, he does...he so badly wants to be a part of things, he so desperately would LOVE for someone to invite him along, but they rarely do and he seems "ok" with that. I can hear the catch in his voice when he knows all his friends are going to something together or going out after a dance, and no one has invited him. But, he doesn't let it change him, he doesn't let it effect his attitude, he doesn't let it erase his smile.
" It takes nothing to join the crowd, it takes everything to stand alone" ~ Annonymous
He goes to all the sporting events he can manage to go to, he drives himself, he goes alone. He was invited to two school dances by friends (which caused so much joy and a smile that could melt your heart), but has gone to many, many more alone. Last night he was picking his clothes for the Winter Formal, I asked who he's going with..his answer "myself". My heart broke a little, but at the same time I'm just so proud of him...he didn't say I'll just go alone, or no one will go with me, he said he is going with himself......... and he was fine with that, he's always been "fine" with that.
It's ME who has the issue, it's ME that feels bad for him, it's ME that wishes people would invite him, it's ME that wants him to be included, it's all ME.
Prom is coming up, it will be his first year to go. It makes me sick to my stomach.....it makes me want to call every high school girl I know and find a date for him so he never has to deal with rejection, or call all of his "friends" and see if they have a group going, but I won't. I will let him figure it out, and pray to God it doesn't break him down. I can't imagine him without his big heart, or his smile, or his trusting and loving nature. So many times I see him in situations that would have completely BROKEN me, and yet....he perseveres, he marches on.
I know he has some amazing friends, and I know he is an amazing person.....I know he is one of the strongest people I know, and I know that I am proud of him EVERY single day. I just hope that society, the world, and expectations don't ever take away from all that he is and will be.
"What lies before us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us." ~ Henry David Thoreau
Monday, January 25, 2016
Calm in the Chaos
"Our Anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it." - Kahlil Gibran
Honestly, I have always been a "type A" kind of person. I pride myself on being pretty organized. I am a list maker, a chart maker, I have folders out the wazoo, I even have a color coded schedule/calendar. Lately though, I'm not sure what is going on!
I just realized yesterday, yes YESTERDAY that I haven't made ANY plans for my child's birthday. It is ONE WEEK away. Seriously, I planned his parties TODAY! Typically this would have been well thought out, planned to the T. I would have sent invitations, I would have a theme, decorations and everything would be ready to go, I'm slipping! So, I have come up with 5 possible causes for my total chaos.
"It's all about finding the calm in the chaos" - Donna Karan
Whatever the reason may be, I have been a mess lately! I haven't actually written on my "color coded" calendar since January 5th, when I filled it out (about a week late). I can not even tell you the last time I made a list (except for grocery lists ~ I haven't TOTALLY lost it).
"Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be" - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Honestly, I have always been a "type A" kind of person. I pride myself on being pretty organized. I am a list maker, a chart maker, I have folders out the wazoo, I even have a color coded schedule/calendar. Lately though, I'm not sure what is going on!
I just realized yesterday, yes YESTERDAY that I haven't made ANY plans for my child's birthday. It is ONE WEEK away. Seriously, I planned his parties TODAY! Typically this would have been well thought out, planned to the T. I would have sent invitations, I would have a theme, decorations and everything would be ready to go, I'm slipping! So, I have come up with 5 possible causes for my total chaos.
"It's all about finding the calm in the chaos" - Donna Karan
- Age.......I mean, I am getting older, I just had a birthday. I forget things! I've not hit the big 40 yet, but lets face it I feel every bit of my age. I can see the gray hairs sneaking in, I see the lines getting more defined on my face. I am exhausted, like really exhausted.
- Anxiety is finally under control......so, maybe this is it. After years and years of having anxiety (and not even realizing it) I have finally started being more proactive in my mental health. I have medication to help, I also use essential oils, meditation and prayer. I have less of a reason to need to control everything, because for once I realize..... I don't, and it is all going to be ok!
- Too much going on...... this is a strong contender! I mean seriously, it is hard to find an open night around here! My own schedule is pretty crazy with my job, my blog, my parents' group, deciding to get involved in local politics, band practice, performances, and trying to keep everything from going to heck at home. On top of that, I have my husband, and his work schedule, he is also pretty active in the boys' extra activities, so he has coaching and cub scouts. My soon to be 18 year old son with his school, home work, job and sports (player and/or spectator). My 14 year old son with his school, home work, and clubs. My soon to be 8 year old, with his crazy schedule of school, homework, cub scouts, football, soccer, and baseball. Let's just say....we are lucky to find more than one night a week that we can have dinner together!
- The person I spend the most time with outside of my family is a total "free-spirit", yes this is true. She may very well be rubbing off on me. She has taught me though that freaking out about everything only stresses me out MORE, and that doesn't do anyone any good.
- I live in a house FULL of boys.....well, like I mentioned above, my boys are pretty busy. When they are at home they are STILL busy doing SOMETHING. Besides that, it seems they like to think they live with a full time maid who will gladly pick up their dishes, their clothes, their coats, their back packs. For the record (I rarely pick up after them, they are responsible for their own things), but I do have to tell them if I HAVE to pick it up, it's going to The Mission or the trash.
Whatever the reason may be, I have been a mess lately! I haven't actually written on my "color coded" calendar since January 5th, when I filled it out (about a week late). I can not even tell you the last time I made a list (except for grocery lists ~ I haven't TOTALLY lost it).
"Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be" - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Friday, January 8, 2016
One of the Schlodder girls.........
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| Photo by Susan Rollins Photography |
Since the age of 6, I have been known to most people in my hometown as "one of the Schlodder girls". I used to be irritated by that...my name is Christina, I am my own person, I am not just part of a whole known as "the Schlodder girls". As an adult though I see things from a different prospective, I am my own person, but the three of us together are "the Schlodder girls", and we each add our own unique personality to that mix.
"How the hell do you sum up your sister in three minutes? She's your twin and your polar opposite. She's your constant companion and your competition. She's your best friend and the biggest bitch in the world. She's everything you wish you could be and everything you wish you weren't"
~ M. Molly Backes
I am the oldest of 3 girls, I was the first to do most things, I was stubborn, I was rebellious, I broke most of the rules before my parents could even think to make them. I did well in school without trying, I played sports (but was never exceptionally good at any), I quit all sports and started a part-time job at age 14. As an adult I had a past principal describe me to my husband as "the biggest under achiever" he said I always had much more potential than I gave myself credit for, I did great things with little effort, had I ever really tried I could have accomplished amazing things, he was right. I paved the way for my sisters, in some ways I might have made life a little harder on them, but in other ways I am sure I made it easier.There was no way they were ever going to break as many rules as me, and of course they didn't. I guess I showed them how NOT to do things.....and I'm okay with that role.
My younger sister....oh boy, she is headstrong, she is blunt, she is an over achiever, if she can't perfect something she more than likely will not do it. She comes off as incredibly tough, but the truth is....she has a heart the size of the ocean, she gets hurt easily, she takes everything you say to heart. She is her own harshest critic, she was the super athlete, the best at everything she did.
My youngest sister, well she has always just been the youngest. Trying to find her way out of the trenches. She was spoiled beyond belief, growing up she only had to turn on those tears and tell our parents how mean we were and voila....., she had all of the best "stuff". She always had 2 older sisters to look out for her, but that also means she had us to boss her around. We could get her to do just about anything we asked her to do. She was the one who did everything she was "supposed" to.
"She is your heart, she is your partner in crime, she is your witness who sees you at your best and worst, she is your mirror, you are the best example for her, she's your little sister."
~ unknown
My mom and dad both worked, so from about age 10-11, I was in charge, I would make lists and chore charts, I was so good at being the boss of everyone, micro managing.... I guess I was preparing for life without even knowing it. I drove them to school, I picked them up from school. My youngest sister had to be with me and my friends probably more than she could have ever wanted to be, but she has some pretty awesome stories from those times (I've heard her tell them). Oh and our fights.....we would have EPIC fights. The thing with 3 sisters is, one person can easily get ganged up on and usually does. It wasn't all fighting growing up, we had good times, we had some great times.....
As adults I feel a great respect for each of my sisters, I am very proud of both of them. My younger sister has achieved amazing things. She graduated college in 2 1/2 years (which still amazes me), she has a great job (with a Company I won't mention), she not only has a house.....she built her own home before the age of 30. She is strong, she is independent, she is one of the funnest/craziest people I know. She is an amazing Aunt to all of the kids. My youngest sister has also done great things. First and foremost she has 2 amazing kids, and she is a great mom. She also got her nursing degree and has now just accepted the Director of Nursing position at her local hospital, she's pretty special, she's pretty important...she is a Big deal. She is much more reserved and "proper" than us older two, but don't let that fool you, she is just as crazy as us!
I can't imagine life without my 2 sisters. We have a fun time, we keep each other young, we keep each other's childhood memories relevant. We advise, even when not asked...we laugh, we cry. We can just be, I think when we three are together we can each truly be ourselves. Our journey to adulthood has not been without bumps, but we have grown to respect each other both as individuals and as the "whole" we make when we're together. As much as we may not like to admit it, we are each strong women, but we are much stronger together. And so now I take great pride in being referred to as "one of the Schlodder girls", that phrase would mean something entirely different without one of us, because I am and always will be one part of that whole.
"So here's to my sister. Remember everyday. No matter what I've said, here's what I want to say. I will always love you, be with you till the end, when no one else is around, I will always be your friend" ~ unknown
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