An open letter to the Holton High School Class of 2017.............

A fellow Fragile X mom wrote an open letter to her son's graduating class. You can read that here. I read it with tears, and shared it. Since no two kids are the same, while reading it, I thought first "this is brilliant" (she is brilliant and amazing). Then I thought, "my letter would be different". It's a testimony to our kids, that a website or medical book would like to group them all together, same issues, same worries same "problems". It's just not true, while sometimes kids may be affected in the same way....they are still their own individual people, with individual issues and individual needs. If you've met one person with Fragile X, you've met ONE person with Fragile X. So, here goes my letter.

Dear Holton High School Class of 2017:

This is it, the last year of high school. I am having a really hard time as this year starts, your mom's probably are too. I have watched most of you grow from pre-school to now. I have seen how your friendships have changed, I have seen you become young adults. I thank God for early intervention and the pre-school Rhein was able to attend. I watched you as you all became aware of Rhein's "differences" and I watched you, with bursting heart, just accept him as he is.  As you have all grown older I see those same kids who accepted his quirkiness in pre-school become his biggest fans and supporters in high school. I have seen his Football Team defend him fiercely when he walks out onto the field. I have seen you stand up for and stick up for Rhein. I know you all care about him, I know you want what is best for him. I also know you do not tolerate ANYONE being mean to him. But........

Rhein kind of falls through the cracks. You see, since he is high functioning, it is easy to forget that he has a disability. He smiles, he jokes, he laughs with all of you. He loves to go places and do things. He loves to feel like he is part of something. I think that is why he loves Football so much. For 6 months every year, he is "one of the guys". He is a football player, he is "normal". And he loves that!
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, it's not going to get better. It's not." - The Lorax
What many people don't realize about Rhein, is that he is riddled with, what is sometimes paralyzing social anxiety, he wants to go places, he wants to do things.....but if you pay attention you will see, he is always "just outside" the circle or the group. He's present, he's a part of it, but he doesn't just interject himself, he doesn't just join in. Why? He's afraid. He wants everyone to like him, he doesn't want to make anyone mad, he doesn't want to be made fun of. He doesn't want to disappoint.

So, that brings me to this.....my plea to you....Class of 2017, include him, PLEASE include him. Really make an effort, if you would. I know that no one purposely EXCLUDES him, you are all way too generous and kind hearted for that! But, I am going to need you to make an effort. He will not ask for a ride, he will not invite himself. He might ask you 1000 questions about what you are doing this weekend, and it can be a lot....I know! But, he is asking because he so badly wants you to say...."I am going ____________ Do you want to come?" So, ask him, please! All it will take is some encouraging from you, an invite, a couple words, a "hey Rhein, why don't you come with us."

"Would you CHOOSE to be tolerated or to be WHOLLY ACCEPTED as you are?" - Unknown
You can not imagine how excited and happy he is when he gets invited to go somewhere, one on one or with a group. Or how totally bummed out he is when all his friends go somewhere, but no one thought to invite him to ride with them (his anxiety is too much to drive on the highway or big city). There have been times with him where someone asks, "are you going?", but his answer is just No...he doesn't say, "well I want to, but I need a ride", or "could I go WITH you"?  (I know ALL of you would take him if he asked). He takes things very literally, so your invitations must be direct!
There are many times that I see him standing just off to the side and I so badly want to yell..."Rhein, get over there with your group, join in....have fun!" But, he is an adult and so, I need YOU all to do that, even more, when you notice him just off to the side.
I see his face light up when one of his friends jumps in the car with him, or responds to a text, or asks him what he's doing. It's really just the little things that make all the difference.
"It's our choices that show what we really are, far more than our abilities" -Albus Dumbledore 
This will be your last year together, and I know as you all go off to college next year, or join the work force, you will miss that bright smile, (how could you not) you will miss his encouragement, but I don't think you will realize just how much, until it's over ~ I do know however, that he will miss you all fiercely. He genuinely cares about each and every one of you. I want you all to have fun, your Senior year should be a year of memories. My hope is that this year, while you are making these fabulous memories, you will think of Rhein. I want him to have amazing memories from his Senior year, just like you. So, please just remember that. You all can help him make memories, you can help with his confidence, you all can help prepare him for his own college experience, you all can teach him that it's ok to ask, it's ok to include himself. You all could make a difference this year, that will affect him for the rest of his life. And if you do, it may just affect the rest of your life too.
"Those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly, we are not the same afterwards" -Life of Pi