Go your own way.......

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone" ~ Neale Donald Walsch

There are many times in my sons 17 years of life that I have stood in utter awe of him. Things I have watched him do, and the pride just swells up inside. Many things, that I know I could not or would not have done. Things I think might break my heart, but he just triumphs, stands tall and moves forward with a confidence I can only aspire to have.
I have said before, that he has many "friends", the thing is..... his friends are much different than mine were, sometimes I just can't wrap my brain around it.

When I was in high school I went no where by myself. I would have never had the courage to walk into a football game, a basketball game, an assembly or a dance alone.....I just wouldn't. Very rarely did I even walk into the school or to class by myself. My friends were with me ALL the time, which I completely adore them for. I wasn't strong enough....I wasn't as strong as him, that much is for sure. I'm still not. As an adult I rarely go places where there will be a large group of people totally by myself.
But, he does...he so badly wants to be a part of things, he so desperately would LOVE for someone to invite him along, but they rarely do and he seems "ok" with that. I can hear the catch in his voice when he knows all his friends are going to something together or going out after a dance, and no one has invited him. But, he doesn't let it change him, he doesn't let it effect his attitude, he doesn't let it erase his smile.

" It takes nothing to join the crowd, it takes everything to stand alone" ~ Annonymous

He goes to all the sporting events he can manage to go to, he drives himself, he goes alone. He was invited to two school dances by friends (which caused so much joy and a smile that could melt your heart), but has gone to many, many more alone. Last night he was picking his clothes for the Winter Formal, I asked who he's going with..his answer "myself". My heart broke a little, but at the same time I'm just so proud of him...he didn't say I'll just go alone, or no one will go with me, he said he is going with himself......... and he was fine with that, he's always been "fine" with that.
It's ME who has the issue, it's ME that feels bad for him, it's ME that wishes people would invite him, it's ME that wants him to be included, it's all ME.

Don't get me wrong, like I said....I hear the catch in his voice, or see the sadness flash across his eyes, I hear the pride in his heart when someone does invite him. But he marches on, he goes alone, he wants to be a part of it all and so he makes it happen.
Prom is coming up, it will be his first year to go. It makes me sick to my stomach.....it makes me want to call every high school girl I know and find a date for him so he never has to deal with rejection, or call all of his "friends" and see if they have a group going, but I won't. I will let him figure it out, and pray to God it doesn't break him down. I can't imagine him without his big heart, or his smile, or his trusting and loving nature. So many times I see him in situations that would have completely BROKEN me, and yet....he perseveres, he marches on.
I know he has some amazing friends, and I know he is an amazing person.....I know he is one of the strongest people I know, and I know that I am proud of him EVERY single day. I just hope that society, the world, and expectations don't ever take away from all that he is and will be.

"What lies before us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us." ~ Henry David Thoreau