Mother's Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays.....not because I get flowers (and sometimes breakfast) and not because I get to drink Mimosas, but because I get to reflect. I really enjoy reflecting, but it does make me emotional. When I think back on the amazing strong women that have helped to make me the person I am I realize how fortunate I am. There are countless women that have affected my life, from childhood to now, I could never name or count them all. I could never give them all the credit they deserve, I can only hope they know they had an impact.
"When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself" - Nancy Friday
My own mother, who managed a household, a husband, a full time job and three demanding children, but still made time to be a girl scout leader: She has contributed several pages to my manual, she taught me countless things.... she taught me that nothing in life is easy, you always stand up and fight for your family, it's ok to yell, it is ok to not be perfect, you have to work hard to see reward, you most certainly can't take it all with you in the end, so..... GO....travel, go camping, learn something new, have desert, make memories.
My grandmothers wrote a few pages too. My grandma lost her husband (my Grandpa) while she was pretty young, (I was very young) and while she grieved his loss deeply~ she taught me that love doesn't end at death, and it is OK to be strong and independent, you can do anything you set your mind to. My Granny, oh boy......the list is too long for this blog, but mostly she taught me family is important, how you treat other people is a direct reflection on yourself, everyone should know how to make a good gravy, anything can be good if you make it with love, and if God gave you a gift....you use it.
I have a few pages taken from the mothers' of my childhood friends, I won't list names....but, from them I learned a few things.....don't pull down on your eye when you put eyeliner on (it will make you have bags), it is totally ok to be the mom in the middle of everything with a camera (you only embarrass your own child during this), if you treat your children with total trust and respect as teenagers they turn in to amazing adults, a little swearing never hurt anyone, but it isn't ok to be disrespectful, save the arguments for the big stuff, don't be so busy that you can't make time for your kids, be who you are....not who someone wants you to be, some people will like you (some people won't), having snacks on hand for teenagers means they will hang out at your house.
"Everyone is my teacher. Some I seek. Some I subconsciously attract. Often I learn simply by observing others. Some may be completely unaware that I'm learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude." - Eric Allen
I was also fortunate enough to have an amazing woman as a pastor during my teenage years who contributed to my "motherhood" manual. She baptized me, and eventually performed my wedding ceremony. It is hard to sum her up in a few words. Mesmerizing just about encompasses all that she is. She taught me to love, not just part way....deeply and with your whole heart. She taught me to be kind, even to people who are not kind to you. She taught me to be strong, and thankful... because I will never be doing anything alone, God is always with me.
During trials of my life I have been blessed with angels, who were really just regular women, but they felt a lot like angels at the time. Never under estimate the power of a random act of kindness, it truly can make a world of difference.
As an adult I met and was able to appreciate some more amazing women, and kept adding pages to my manual. My aunt, who helped me keep my chin up while struggling with the after affects of my children's diagnosis. My mother-in-law, who through some pretty big life trials, made the hard choices to make sure her son's life was the best she could give him. My friends, who demanded meeting for coffee once a week....just for a break, and laughs. A few amazing friends who gave me the courage, strength and tools to be able to go talk to my son's classroom about his disability. A whole online support group of mother's who are the first one's to reach out in crisis, or lend an ear, or give valuable advice. My sisters, who taught me patience from a very early age (I still struggle with that), but have become pretty astounding women. My cousins, who have become irreplaceable friends. The amazing mother's I have met in person through Fragile X events, that felt like lifelong friends and sisters immediately. The ladies that let me vent to them and allow me to laugh at myself at least once a week.
"I've learned that family and friends are what make us who we are today and without them we would never be complete." ~ unknown
My best friends, one I can call for medical advice, opinions and breakthrough news. I think of everyone, I may have leaned on her the hardest right after the boys' diagnosis (and many of the pages from my friends' moms are from her mom) but she never let me fall, she always believed I could do it, or at least pretended. The day I went to take my real estate exam, she called to tell me good luck "you got this" she said. A few hours later, I called to tell her I passed and her exact words were "Holy Shit, you really passed?" ....yep, she totally believes in me. Another bestie, who somehow manages to defy the odds time and time again. Who works her ass off to support her 4 kids, by herself.....with little help from anyone. Who will never let the world bring her down, and who taught me a LONG time ago.....if people are going to talk anyway, give them something good to talk about. And of course my other best friend, who taught me that it is important to take time for me, that kindness is always the answer and that the silver lining is always brighter than the cloud.
My biggest blessing in life is having these three amazing boys. The best compliment I've ever received is being told I am a good mom. That's all I've ever wanted. I'm far from perfect, I don't have all the answers.....I just do my best and rely on that mental "manual" sometimes. So....my fellow women. We all have our own way of parenting, of mothering, none of us do it the same, none of us is right or wrong. But, when it is all said and done, if I have contributed even one page to someone else's "manual", then I will have done something right.
